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Wishful Wednesday 46: Rock Biography



Sepertinya saya vakum lumayan lama dari postingan Wishful Wednesday.
Selain sibuk dengan pekerjaan dan urusan pribadi, sebenarnya timbunan saya banyak banget.
Tapi, keinginan untuk memiliki buku tidak pernah pudar, so kali ini saya pengen banget memiliki buku-buku ini:


Buried Alive The Biography by Myra Friedman

The classic biography that set the record straight about the most famous woman singer in rock history. This updated edition puts Janis Joplin’s life and music into perspective for a new generation of fans at a time of intensely renewed interest. Illustrations.


Love, Janis by Laura Joplin

A revealing and intimate biography about Janis Joplin, the Queen of Classic Rock, written by her younger sister. Janis Joplin blazed across the sixties music scene, electrifying audiences with her staggering voice and the way she seemed to pour her very soul into her music. By the time her life and artistry were cut tragically short by a heroin overdose, Joplin had become the stuff of rock-and-roll legend. Through the eyes of her family and closest friends , we see Janis as a young girl, already rebelling against injustice, racism, and hypocrisy in society. We follow Janis as she discovers her amazing talents in the Beat hangouts of Venice and North Beach-singing in coffeehouses, shooting speed to enhance her creativity, challenging the norms of straight society. Janis truly came into her own in the fantastic, psychedelic, acid-soaked world of Haight-Asbury. At the height of her fame, Janis’s life is a whirlwind of public adoration and hard living. Laura Joplin shows us not only the public Janice who could drink Jim Morrison under the table and bean him with a bottle of booze when he got fresh; she shows us the private Janis, struggling to perfect her art, searching for the balance between love and stardom, battling to overcome her alcohol addiction and heroin use in a world where substance abuse was nearly universal. At the heart of Love, Janis is an astonishing series of letters by Janis herself that have never been previously published. In them she conveys as no one else could the wild ride from awkward small-town teenager to rock-and-roll queen. Love, Janis is the new life of Janis Joplin we have been waiting for-a celebration of the sixties’ joyous experimentation and creativity, and a loving, compassionate examination of one of that era’s greatest talents.

Terus terang saya bukan penggemar Joplin tapi saya selalu tertarik untuk membaca kisah tentang tokoh intriguing. Menurut saya Janis Joplin merupakan musisi yang menarik, karena di zamannya dia salah satu pemberontak lewat musiknya.

Selain biografi di atas, saya juga pengen membaca buku ini:


Just Kids by Patti Smith

In Just Kids, Patti Smith’s first book of prose, the legendary American artist offers a never-before-seen glimpse of her remarkable relationship with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe in the epochal days of New York City and the Chelsea Hotel in the late sixties and seventies. An honest and moving story of youth and friendship, Smith brings the same unique, lyrical quality to Just Kids as she has to the rest of her formidable body of work–from her influential 1975 album Horses to her visual art and poetry.

Zaman SMP dulu, Patti Smith sempat duet dengan Don Henley dan singlenya sempat ngetop di radio-radio tanah air. Saya kenal Patti Smith dari situ. Sempat ngintip rating buku ini di Goodreads dan tinggi. Bikin penasaran.

Yang mau ikutan Wishful Wednesday gampang banget. Langsung aja visit blog Perpus Kecil

Happy Wednesday.


[Book Review] Insatiable by Asa Akira


Title Insatiable: Porn – A Love Story
Author: Asa Akira
Publisher: Grove Atlantic
Web Link: link
Date of Release: May 6, 2014
No. of Pages: 256
ISBN: 978-602-9193-17-6
Format: Ebook
Category: Non Fiction
Genre: Biography, Memoir, Porn


Asa Akira (28) has already had an extremely unusual life. Educated at the United Nations International School in Manhattan, she soon was earning a good living by stripping and working as a dominatrix at a sex dungeon. Akira has now built up a reputation for being of the most popular, hardworking, and extreme actors in the business, winning dozens of awards for her 330+ movies, including her #1 bestselling series “Asa Akira Is Insatiable”.

In Insatiable, Akira recounts her extraordinary life in chapters that are hilarious, shocking, and touching. In a wry, conversational tone, she talks about her experiences shoplifting and doing drugs while in school, her relationship with other porn stars (she is married to one) and with the industry at large, and her beliefs about women and sexuality. Insatiable is filled with Akira’s unusual and often highly amusing anecdotes, including her visit to a New Hampshire sex shop run by a mother and son.

In a world where porn is increasingly becoming part of the mainstream, Akira is one of very few articulate voices writing from the inside. She something important, controversial, and astonishingly interesting to say about sex and its central role in our lives and culture.


Asa Akira is probably one of the most popular names in porn industry. The self-proclaimed anal queen is not ashamed to flaunt her best interest: having freaky sex on camera.

I’ve read several porn memoirs. One of them is Ordeal, the most disturbing memoir I’ve read so far.
Unlike Lovelace, Akira admits that she enjoys having sex on camera. She says she comes from a happy family. She started masturbating at an early age, that her mother forbade her to put on a blanket, afraid of what she might do under the sheet.

Akira also broke the myth of pornstars. She’s pretty and witty, somewhat rare in porn industry. Unlike any other paents, Akira’s can accept her profession. She said as long as she’s happy, her parents will support her all the way.

Insatiable is a fun read. I laughed a lot when I read this book. Some chapters are quite disturbing, especially parts about anal scene. One thing that confuses me is when Akira was offered to do a squirt scene. She couldn’t believe it because she’s not a squirter. But when she described her sex activities before AVN Awards with her husband, Toni Ribas, she explicitly explained that she squirted during sex and was asked to lick her own liquid (ewww).

What I learn about porn life:
1. Most porn stars contracted STDs. Chlamydia, herpes, or HIV, you name it. Akira got chlamydia during her second month of shooting porn.
2. Almost every porn star is addicted to (sex) drugs.
3. Of course, porn stars are exhibitionists. Akira says having sex on camera and thinking hundreds of men jerking off while watching her turn her on.
4. Not all sex is enjoyable during the shoot. Sasha Grey, a retired porn star, said that she had orgasm only three times during her porn career.
5. Some porn stars even quit the business because they’re humiliated. In her book, Linda Lovelace said she was forced to do porn by her husband. Alina Li has recently quit the business. Read her story here.

If you want to know a bit about porn industry, you may check out this book.

An A to Z Porn Glossary inspired by Asa Akira’s Insatiable: click here


Until next time


[Book Review] Queen, Empress, and Concubine by Claudia Gold


Judul: Queen, Empress, Concubine
Penulis: Claudia Gold
Penerjemah: Ida Rosdalina
Penerbit: Alvabet
Web Penerbit: link
Terbit: April 2012, cetakan pertama
Tebal: 152 halaman

ISBN: 978-602-9193-17-6
Kategori: Non Fiksi
Genre: Biografi, Sejarah
Beli di: Yes24
Harga: Rp. 115,900


Di balik dominasi laki-laki dalam sejarah, ternyata ada sejumlah perempuan hebat yang menjadi penguasa, sebagai ratu atau permaisuri, presiden atau perdana menteri. Kaum elit perempuan ini—yang berkuasa melalui suksesi dinasti, pemilu demokratis, atau dengan cara lain—telah mencapai kepemimpinan tertinggi dalam politik. Beberapa di antara mereka bahkan menjadi tokoh sangat berpengaruh dan karismatik dalam sejarah dunia.

50 Perempuan Penguasa melukiskan dengan jelas potret kehidupan 50 perempuan luar biasa yang memegang posisi politik sangat dominan dalam sejarah, dari Ratu Sheba di zaman kuno hingga Perdana Menteri Benazir Bhutto di era modern. Setiap profil tokoh digambarkan dengan jelas dalam konteks dan budaya setempat kala itu, sehingga memungkinkan sang penulis untuk tidak hanya menceritakan kisah hidup tokoh-tokoh perempuan yang penuh keberanian dan ketegasan ini, melainkan juga menyuguhkan informasi memikat perihal sejarah sosial alternatif selama 3.500 tahun terakhir.

Dilengkapi dengan gambar-gambar eksklusif untuk setiap tokoh serta didesain dengan tata letak isi yang bervariasi, buku ini benar-benar indah dan memikat. Dan, jika Anda meragukan kompetensi, keahlian, dan keagungan perempuan dalam kepemimpinan dan kekuasaan, buku ini akan dengan mudah membalikkan pandangan Anda.


Saya nggak sengaja menemukan buku ini di situs Yes24. Tadinya saya mau membeli sepatu. Ternyata, memang dasar bukan rezeki, sepatu tersebut sold out. Saya bingung mau beli apa. Pada hari tersebut, buku ini muncul di halaman utama. Karena saya sedang menonton serial The Borgias, saya memutuskan untuk membeli buku ini. Dua tokoh dalam serial yang berdasarkan kisah nyata pemerintahan Vatikan era Paus Alexander VI tersebut, yaitu Lucrezia Borgia dan Catharina Sforza dibahas dalam buku ini.
Saya juga sedang membaca buku Maharani karya Pearl S. Buck. Tokoh utamanya, mantan selir yang menjadi Empress dinasti Qing, yaitu Ci Xi juga ada di buku ini.

Dari ke-50 tokoh wanita penguasa di buku ini, beberapa yang menarik perhatian saya adalah:
1. Nefertiti
Selain terkenal karena kecantikannya, Nefertiti dan suaminya, Akhenaten, berani membuat agama baru. Sebelumnya, rakyat Mesir memuja Amun-Ra. Saat Akhenaten berkuasa, ia menghancurkan kuil pemujaan terhadap dewa Amun, Mut, dan Khonsu, diganti dengan dewa tunggal, Aten.

2. Izebel
Istri raja Ahab yang memuja Baal ini menjadi musuh Elia. Suaminya yang dulu mengakui satu tuhan membiarkan istrinya membawa nabi-nabi palsu ke istananya. Ia juga membunuh nabi-nabi pemuja Yahweh. Sesuai ramalan Elia, Izebel mati mengenaskan. Sebelumnya saya pernah membaca kisah Izebel dari buku The Fifth Mountain yang reviewnya ada di sini.

3. Caterina Sforza
Musuh bebuyutan keluarga Borgia ini dikenal sebagai perempuan perkasa yang mampu berperang dalan keadaan hamil.
Ketika musuh mengancam akan membunuh anaknya, ia mengangkat roknya dan mempertontonkan kelaminnya sambil berkata bahwa ia tidak takut karena ia sanggup memproduksi lebih banyak anak lagi.

4. Mary Tudor
Ratu pertama Inggris yang ditolak ayahnya karena kasus pembatalan perkawinan antara ayahnya, Henry VIII dengan ibunya Catherine Aragon. Ia juga difitnah telah melakukan pembakaran massal kaum Protestan. Gara-gara peristiwa itu, ia dikenal dengan nama “Bloody Mary”.

5. Cixi
Selir kelas tiga yang naik pangkat menjadi istri raja karena kecerdasannya. Demi ambisinya untuk naik tahta, ia mencuri hati ibu suri, juga menjalin hubungan baik dengan kasim kerajaan dan pemegang kekuasaan politik. Ia melahirkan seorang putra yang kelak menjadi kaisar, namun anaknya mengangkat musuh Cixi menjadi menteri. Peristiwa berdarah tak terelakkan. Cixi memimpin tahun-tahun terakhir runtuhnya dinasti Manchu.

Yang saya sukai dari buku ini selain ukurannya yang besar (coffee table), juga ilustrasi dan halaman full color. Biografi tiap tokoh ringkas dan padat, dilengkapi inset kejadian penting dan kronologis dari awal mula berkuasa hingga tokoh tersebut tutup usia.

Sayangnya, terjemahannya masih terasa kaku di beberapa bagian.
Tapi secara keseluruhan saya suka buku ini. Gara-gara membaca buku ini saya jadi tertarik untuk mencari buku biografi beberapa tokohnya.


Until next time


[Book Review] Remembering Whitney by Cissy Houston


Title: Remembering Whitney: A Mother’s Story of Life, Loss, and the Night the Music Stopped

Authors: Cissy Houston, Lisa Dickey

Publisher: HarperCollins

Published: January 29, 2013

No. of Pages: 297

Category: Non Fiction

Genre: Biography, Memoir

Buy at: [Bookdepository] []

book_blurbOn the eve of the 2012 Grammy Awards, the world learned of a stunning tragedy: Whitney Houston, unquestionably one of the most remarkable and powerful voices in all of music, had been silenced forever. Over the weeks and months that followed, family, friends, and fans alike tried to understand how such a magnificent talent and beautiful soul could have been taken so early and so unexpectedly.
Glamorous and approachable, captivating and sweet, Whitney had long ago won the hearts of America, but in recent years her tumultuous personal life had grabbed as many headlines as her soaring vocal talents. Her sudden death left behind not only a legacy of brilliance, but also painful questions with no easy answers.
Now, for the first time, the beloved superstar’s mother, Cissy Houston — a gospel legend in her own right—relates the full, astonishing scope of the pop icon’s life and career. From Whitney’s earliest days singing in the church choir to her rapid ascent to the pinnacles of music stardom, from her string of number one hits to her topping the Hollywood box office, Cissy recounts her daughter’s journey to becoming one of the most popular and successful artists of all time. Setting the record straight, Cissy also speaks candidly about Whitney’s struggles in the limelight, revealing the truth about her turbulent marriage to singer Bobby Brown, her public attempts to regain her celebrated voice, and the battle with drugs that ultimately proved too much.
In this poignant and tender tribute to her “Nippy,” Cissy summons all her strength to reveal not only Whitney the superstar, but also Whitney as a sweet girl, a bright-eyed young woman, and a deeply caring mother.
Complete with never-before-seen family photographs, Remembering Whitney is an intimate, heartfelt portrait of one of our most revered artists, from the woman who cherished her most.


Whitney Elizabeth Houston was one of the best singers in the world. Oprah called her “The Voice”. She was brought in a musical family. Her mother, Cissy Houston, was part of the gospel group and worked with prominent artists such as Aretha Franklin, Elvis Presley, Luther Vandross. Whitney’s cousin, Dionne Warwick, is an award-winning artist and still active in music industry.

Once, Whitney was on her peak singing “I Will Always Love You” with her flawless voice that gave shivers to millions of people around the world. Once, Whitney was a complete package: a beautiful young woman with unbelievably-perfect voice and a pleasant attitude. Once.

She was a gifted artist with a bright future in front of her. She was born to be a diva. But, that moment didn’t last long. She was struggling with her personal demons, was a victim in domestic abuse. On February 11, 2012, the lights went off. The diva has gone.

I was sad when I heard the news. How could I forget that day. Whitney is one of my heroes. Her songs are everlasting. It happened on my birthday last year. I was sad, but not shocked, because somehow I could see it coming. What’s in store for a drug addict? It doesn’t take a genius to predict the future of druggies. It’s just about time.

This is a heartbreaking memoir of a mother who lost her beloved daughter. I believe Cissy was telling the truth. So many facts that were confirmed in this book.
Whitney had a drug problem long before she met Bobby Brown. When she met Bobby for the first time on Soul Train Awards, they just clicked, and not long after that, they got married. People were shocked. Whitney and Bobby, what a joke. Whitney had a squeaky clean image. On the other hand, Bobby was a bad boy. People knew that he was kicked out of New Edition due to his recklessness.
And things got worse after Whitney had a baby, Bobbi Christina (Krissi). Whitney was on a long hiatus, partying with his notorious husband, and nobody wanted to hear Whitney sing anymore. She released some albums. She canceled some concerts. Everyone knew she had a problem with drugs. Until she was kicked out of Academy Awards Performance. She’d shown erratic behavior during rehearsals, couldn’t memorize her lines. And that’s it.

Cissy knew Whitney had a problem, but she couldn’t save her daughter. Whitney hid her addiction. She had all the power to fire her people if ‘Barracuda’ (Cissy’s nickname) found out about that. So, nobody dared to talk. Sadly, Whitney’s brothers were on the same boat, which hurt Cissy even more.That was the end of Whitney’s career.

The night before Grammy Awards 2012, Whitney’s erratic behavior bursted out at a club after she sang “Jesus Loves Me”.
She had a catfight with a woman who was rumored to be Ray Jay’s girlfriend. Ray Jay is Brandy’s brother. Ray and Whitney were rumored to be couple. But according to Bobby Brown’s sister, Ray was never Whitney’s lover. He was nothing but a drug dealer.

Whitney’s death was surrounded by mysterious circumstances. So many odd things happened during that day. For example, Clive Davis’s Pre-Grammy Party was held when Whitney died, but nobody wanted to stop partying when the news broke. While Whitney’s dead body was lying at the hotel room, people were partying below.
Second, Bobby Brown’s sister confirmed that Whitney hated to soak in the bath tub. She believed there waa a foul play involved.

I don’t want to remember Whitney as a drug addict. To me, Whitney was a beautiful woman who touched so many people with her amazing voice.

Rest in peace, Whitney.


Until next time


[Book Review] Mastering the Art of French Eating by Ann Mah @VikingBooks

book_info18302355Title: Mastering the Art of French Eating: Lessons in Food and Love from a Year in Paris

Author: Ann Mah

Publisher: Viking Adults

Published: September 26, 2013

No. of Pages: 288

Format: Ebook

Category: Non Fiction

Genre: Biography, Food Memoir, Travel

But the book at: [Bookdepository]

Opening sentence:

book_blurbThe memoir of a young diplomat’s wife who must reinvent her dream of living in Paris—one dish at a time

When journalist Ann Mah’s diplomat husband is given a three-year assignment in Paris, Ann is overjoyed. A lifelong foodie and Francophile, she immediately begins plotting gastronomic adventures à deux. Then her husband is called away to Iraq on a year-long post—alone. Suddenly, Ann’s vision of a romantic sojourn in the City of Light is turned upside down.

So, not unlike another diplomatic wife, Julia Child, Ann must find a life for herself in a new city.  Journeying through Paris and the surrounding regions of France, Ann combats her loneliness by seeking out the perfect pain au chocolat and learning the way the andouillette sausage is really made. She explores the history and taste of everything from boeuf Bourguignon to soupe au pistou to the crispiest of buckwheat crepes. And somewhere between Paris and the south of France, she uncovers a few of life’s truths.

Like Sarah Turnbull’s Almost French and Julie Powell’s New York Times bestseller Julie and Julia, Mastering the Art of French Eating is interwoven with the lively characters Ann meets and the traditional recipes she samples. Both funny and intelligent, this is a story about love—of food, family, and France.


Reading this book can cause a slow and painful hunger.

I read this book simply because I love Julia Child, I love dining and cooking. And I’ve been obsessed with French culinary.

I received a free copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Yes, I was captured from the first page. This book is so fascinating and everything Ann Mah wrote made me learn more about French food. I’m actually still writing a rough synopsys for my upcoming novel about culinary. Thanks to Ann Mah, I’ll definitely use this book as one of the food bibles that I’m going to use as my resource.

Like people said, before you read a book, you should have an open mind. And I did. Actually, this book is beyond my expectations. I love it to the core.

As a food enthusiast, I find this book very resourceful and also entertaining. I learn a lot about four-course dinner, French signature dish (which is sandwich, that simple), and how French people eat intestines (yuck!), and types of beef cuts. Ann did a thorough research and this book is the proof of her magnificent job.

Just like Julia Child, before going to France, Ann Mah was just a foreign officer wife who wrote about food. But, French food changed her life (and I’m sure this book changed other people’s life too).

I thought only Italians love eating. French does too. For them, dining is meant to be special.

Ann also explained a bit about historical background of each food that she mentioned. I love history and surely it adds it. This book gives insight about French culture through dining. I drooled all the time.

Can’t wait to read Ann’s other work.



[Book Review] Ordeal by Linda Lovelace



Title: Ordeal
Authors: Linda Lovelace with Mike McGrady
Publisher: Citadel Press
Published: March 1989, Fourth Printing
ISBN: 0-8065-0687-3
Format: Hardcover
No. of Pages: 252
Category: Non-Fiction
Genre: Sex memoir, biography, true crime
Bought at: Betterworldbooks for $6.25
Opening sentences: My name is not Linda Lovelace. Not these days.


Linda Lovelace became a household name in 1972, when Deep Throat–a film made for only $25.000–became the first pornographic movie ever to cross over to mainstream audiences, to the tune of $600 million and counting. Despite being the face that launched the film’s phenomenal success, behind the scenes Linda was suffering unspeakable torture and abuse at the hands of her husband, Chuck Traynor, and she never earned a dollar from the film’s huge success. A harrowing tale of the pursuit of happiness and the will to survive amid years of horrific abuse, Ordeal reveals the dark reality behind Deep Throat, and its star’s tragic, yet ultimately triumphant, life.


ATTENTION! If you’re under 21 y-o, please do not read this review. It contains explicit and graphic sexual descriptions that might be offensive.

I’ve read many porn stars and ex-porn stars memoirs, but nothing can beat Ordeal. It’s the most sadistic and disturbing book I’ve ever read.

The story begins when Linda Boreman had a car accident. She met Chuck Traynor who seemed so sweet. Later, Linda found that Chuck is a monster who physically, verbally, and sexually abused her. From then on, her nightmares came to life.

Linda wanted to flee from home. She couldn’t stand her abusive mother. Chuck took her home and began pimping her. Linda was a virgin, but then Chuck took her virginity. Chuck had debts and he sold Linda for money. He was always violent, even pointed a gun to Linda, his wife.

Chuck was a perv, a sadomasochist who was aroused everytime Linda was in pain. Then one thing led to another. Linda and Chuck met a pornographer and the rest is history. Linda Boreman became ‘Linda Lovelace’, a porn icon who got (so-called) respect from people in Hollywood. She’s famous of her ability to swallow penis (even the larbe one), just like a performer who can swallow a sword. Apparently, Chuck trained her to relax her throat muscle to do this.

I had to hold my breath while reading this book. There’s too many graphic details. Linda was forced to do a scene with a dog, can you imagine? She was beaten and threatened. Chuck always used his weapon, that he would kill whoever got in the way, including Linda’s parents. Later on, Linda was forced to perform BDSM, paraphilia, zoophilia, whatever sickness and degrading that you can imagine (my stomach was churning when I read that part. It’s beyond sick).

So many times, Linda tried to escape, but she failed and went back to Chuck. This always happens to domestic violence victims. They’re brainwashed and afraid to meet another monster if they have guts to leave the abuser. They’re torn to pieces. Their self esteem was peeled off until they’ve got nothing and become numb. That’s what happened to Linda. She said she’s not herself while having sex with strangers.

Hugh Hefner and Sammy Davis Jr were two of many prominent Hollywood celebrities who put interests on Linda Lovelace. Chuck and Linda were regulars at Hefner’s lavish parties. They’re allowed to crash at the mansion. Somehow I can relate Hefner to Jay Gatsby.

In the end, Linda could free herself from Chuck. She met one or two men before settling down to be a housewife. She was against pornography until the car accident took her life in 2002.

As far as I know, pornography is degrading for women. Many porn stars confessed that they were drugged, abused, and forced to get involve in freaky sexual acts, mostly against their will. Watching porn, to me, is like watching rape in action. I have no desire to see “Deep Throat” even though media claimed it’s a cult movie. Linda was raped during filming. I think it’s wise to ban the film. Just like what they did to Traci Lords. At 15, she began posing for adult magazines, and quickly ventured into porn. She appeared in more than 100 movies before she turned 18. All of her movies were banned by the authorities. Sadly, a lot of people are still glamoring porn. Young celebrities like Miley, Lilo, and the likes think taking topless selca is cool. Remember Miley’s scandal with Vanity Fair? That happened long before VMA scandal. Nowadays, female celebrities like Rihanna, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj are not ashamed to show some skin for free through instagram or tweetpic. It’s porn goes mainstream. Watch out, parents.

Back to Ordeal, I read this book before I see “Lovelace”, Linda’s biopic starring Amanda Seyfried. I’ll review the movie asap.

Ordeal is an eye-opener. To learn about the danger of porn, you should read books like this.


He could tell me the sky was green and I’d believe him, even though I was looking right up into a blue sky. (p. 28)

It wasn’t the fact of the sex that upset me; it was the nature of the sex. I couldn’t imagine anyone-even prostitutes-doing something so incredibly personal with other people around.

Melody was a strange kind of a hooker. She was very intellogent and always carried a book to read with her, even on jobs.

As soon as Chuck saw how much pain in this experience caused me, he made sure that it became a key part of my repertoire.

I know a dozen Chucks, a hundred Chucks and they’re all monsters.

“How come you never got away?”
“Because it’s kind of hard to get away when there’s a gun pointed at your head.”

Recently when several Playboy bunnies in Great Gorge, New Jersey, were drugged, photographed and forced to work as whores, I could understand the process.

The first time I met Rob, I wondered how this could be. Here’s this real doll-he was adorable!-tall and blond and cute. How could a guy who looked like that do what he did for a living? What problems did he have to get into something like this? I will never undetstand that. (p. 104)

What kind of world do we live in? Would you believe that a doctor, a professional man, would accept sexual favors as payment for the bill?

I learned that it was illegal to have silicone injected into your breasts. It seems to me when something is illegal, there’s usually a danger connected with it.

Chuck and I had been given to run of the (Playboy) Mansion. We were practically living there. We had joined the rest of the freeloaders for the movies, the food, the parties and the regular Wednesday night orgies.

Living in Hollywood, yoi begin to forget that outside there is still a normal world with normal people. California is the land of the super-freaks and they all seem to come to Hollywood sooner or later.

I guess they figure that half a truth is better than no truth at all. To me, it’s still a lie.

Any beating, no matter how severe, would be better than being raped by a dog. (p. 109)
I think I’d rather be dead than not really be living. (p. 221)




More reviews on Ordeal

We Love This Book here

Articles on Porn

The Truth about the Porn Industry here
Porn and the End of Masculinity here
Pornography is Bad for Your Health here

Submitted for:
Books in English Challenge here
Baca Bareng BBI biografi here
Year Long Memoir Challenge here

Until next time:)


I give this book for Brigidda 🙂

[Book Review] Eva Braun: Life with Hitler by Heike B. Gortemaker


book_blurbIn this groundbreaking biography of Eva Braun, German historian Heike B. Görtemaker delves into the startlingly neglected historical truth about Adolf Hitler’s mistress. More than just the vapid blonde of popular cliché, Eva Braun was a capricious but uncompromising, fiercely loyal companion to Hitler; theirs was a relationship that flew in the face of the Führer’s proclamations that Germany was his only bride. Görtemaker paints a portrait of Hitler and Braun’s life together with unnerving quotidian detail—Braun chose the movies screened at their mountaintop retreat (propaganda, of course); he dreamed of retiring with her to Linz one day after relinquishing his leadership to a younger man—while weaving their personal relationship throughout the fabric of one of history’s most devastating regimes. Though Braun gradually gained an unrivaled power within Hitler’s inner circle, her identity was kept a secret during the Third Reich, until the final days of the war. Faithful to the end, Braun committed suicide with Hitler in 1945, two days after their marriage.

Through exhaustive research, newly discovered documentation, and anecdotal accounts, Görtemaker has meticulously built a surprising portrait of Hitler’s bourgeois existence outside of the public eye. Though Eva Braun had no role in Hitler’s policies, she was never as banal as she was previously painted; she was privy to his thoughts, ruled life within his entourage, and held his trust. As horrifying as it is astonishing, Eva Braun will undoubtedly be referenced in all future accounts of this period.

thoughtsSepertinya gue belum bisa move on dari tema Holocaust. Setelah habis melahap The Diary of a Young Girl bulan lalu, gue masih penasaran dengan PD II, Hitler, juga hubungannya dengan perempuan bernama Eva Braun. Hitler ini memang fenomenal sekali. Selain kumis nanggungnya yang jadi trademark, ada kemungkinan dia meniru kumis Charlie Chaplin, salah satu orang yang dia benci dan dijuluki pseudo-Jew. Selain itu, Hitler memiliki kepribadian yang ‘unik’ alias rada-rada sakit. Kehidupan pribadinya juga nggak kalah menarik dari film-film thriller. Penuh dengan skandal berbau darah.

Eva Braun, perempuan yang lebih muda 23 tahun dari Hitler, mendampingi Hitler hingga mereka berdua tewas bunuh diri bersama di bunker Hitler. Eva yang digambarkan oleh banyak biografer sebagai perempuan muda yang enerjik, menarik, ramah, dan suka bersosialisasi, adalah sosok yang sangat bertolak belakang dengan Hitler yang kaku, kejam, dan bengis.

Eva lahir dan besar di keluarga yang bukan penganut anti-Semitik (kakak Eva, Ilse, pernah bekerja sebagai resepsionis di tempat praktek Dr. Marx, seorang Yahudi). Eva bekerja di sebuah studio foto milik Heinrich Hoffman. Ia pertama kali bertemu dengan Hitler di studio foto tersebut pada bulan Oktober 1929. Awal mulanya, Eva tidak tertarik pada Hitler yang kerap menghujaninya dengan hadiah dan mengajaknya kencan di tempat mewah. Bisa dibilang, pada awal mulanya, hubungan mereka artifisial. Tapi lama kelamaan, Eva mulai menganggap serius hubungan tersebut.

Hitler memiliki seorang keponakan, Angela (Geli) Raubal. Desas-desus mengatakan Hitler memiliki hubungan khusus dengan Geli. Tanggal 18 September 1931, di usia ke 23, Geli ditemukan tewas di kamar yang ditempatinya di apartemen Hitler di Munich. Tidak ada otopsi dan Geli dinyatakan tewas bunuh diri. Namun, Geli dikuburkan secara Katolik (gereja Katolik menolak menguburkan jenazah yang mati karena bunuh diri). Lalu, hidung Geli patah dan tubuhnya memar. Hitler diduga membunuh keponakannya sendiri. Lalu, ada juga ahli sejarah yang menyatakan bahwa Hitler terlibat cinta segitiga (biseksual) dan berakhir dengan terbunuhnya Geli Raubal (link).

Hubungan Hitler dengan Eva masih berlanjut, walau Eva jarang terlihat di depan publik dalam acara kenegaraan bersama Hitler. Sang Fuhrer memang pernah mengatakan bahwa ia menikahi negara Jerman, dan ia mendedikasikan hidupnya untuk Jerman.

Tahun 1935, kesehatan Hitler menurun. Ia menderita nervous tinnitus tiap malam dan ia juga takut mati karena kanker tenggorokan seperti yang diderita kaisar Friedrich III tahun 1888. Dalam waktu ini, ia sempat tidak menemui Eva selama berbulan-bulan.

Sosok Eva yang misterius menimbulkan gosip. Ada yang mengatakan keputusan politik Hitler dipengaruhi oleh Eva. Ada juga sumber yang mengatakan bahwa Eva adalah gadis polos yang tidak tertarik dengan dunia politik. Entah mana yang benar.

Eva yang manis dan terlihat ceria ternyata memiliki masalah psikologis. Ia pernah beberapa kali melakukan upaya bunuh diri. Pertama kali tahun 1932, ia mengambil pistol milik ayahnya dan menembak dirinya sendiri. Untungnya, ia berhasil diselamatkan. Kali kedua yaitu sewaktu Hitler mengalami masalah kesehatan. Mungkin Eva merasa dicuekin Hitler, ia melakukan upaya bunuh diri kedua dengan meminum obat tidur. Kakak Eva, Ilse, yang juga menemukan Eva dalam keadaan tidak sadar. Ia diduga merobek diary Eva yang menuliskan tentang percobaan bunuh dirinya yang kedua. Akhirnya, Eva dipindahkan oleh Hitler ke apartemen yang tidak jauh dari apartemen Hitler. Namun, Hitler dengan prinsipnya yang kuat ditambah dengan pencitraannya yang sejak semula menyatakan ia tak mau menikah karena ia menikahi negara Jerman, tidak mau mengajak Eva dalam acara kenegaraan. Eva akhirnya diperkenankan muncul dalam acara non formal, soiree bersama para istri pejabat Nazi. Menurut buku ini, Eva kurang disukai oleh para istri tersebut.

Hitler yang lahir dan sempat tinggal di Austria selama empat tahun, pada saat ia berkuasa, mengadakan Anschluß, atau persatuan Jerman-Austria. Ia bercita-cita ingin membuat kota Linz yang berada di utara Austria, sebagai ibukota seni Eropa, atau Roma-nya Jerman, menurut Hitler. Hitler juga berkeinginan untuk pensiun di Linz, hidup bersama Eva dan seekor anjing di masa tuanya, bahkan ia ingin dikuburkan di Linz.

Tahun 1944, Hitler sudah kehilangan kekuatannya. Kondisi fisiknya melemah. Padahal ia penganut pola hidup sehat dengan melakukan diet ketat: vegetarian, tidak merokok, tidak minum alkohol dan kopi. Teori yang mengatakan you are what you eat tidak berlaku pada Hitler. Ia mengeluh sakit perut, gangguan tenggorokan, bahkan sempat melakukan operasi. Hitler juga menderita gejala Parkinson. Karma’s a bitch, yo!.

Setelah Jerman kalah perang dan pengikut Hitler juga berkhianat padanya (karena muak dengan pembunuhan dan perang), Hitler merasa the end is near seperti lirik lagu “My Way”. Ia dan Eva bersembunyi di bunker bersama sisa-sisa pengikut setianya. Sebelum bunuh diri dengan menenggak cyanide, Hitler dan Eva menikah. Anjing mereka, Blondi, diberi racun. Mereka ditemukan mati pada tanggal 30 April 1945. Eva sudah merencanakan kematiannya sebelum melakukan double suicide. Ia menulis surat terakhir pada adiknya. Eva menelan pil berisi cairan racun dan mati lebih dulu di depan Hitler. Setelah Eva tak bernyawa, Hitler meminum racun lalu menembak pelipis kanannya. Mayat keduanya dibakar.

Walau buku ini berjudul Eva Braun, namun isinya didominasi oleh Hitler dengan kehidupannya semasa menjadi pimpinan Nazi. Eva Braun tidak diceritakan terlalu detil. Overall, this book is enjoyable. If you want to dig more about Nazi and World War II in Europe, you have to read this book. Terjemahannya juga enak dibaca dengan kosakata yang mudah dimengerti.
Sekarang gue malah jadi kecanduan baca buku tema Holocaust.


Until next time.


[Book Review] Lips Unsealed


Title: Lips Unsealed
Author: Belinda Carlisle
Publisher: Crown Publishings, June 1st, 2010
Language: English
Format: E-Book

Book Blurb

The women of the iconic eighties band the Go-Go’s will always be remembered as they appeared on the back of their debut record: sunny, smiling, each soaking in her own private bubble bath with chocolates and champagne. The photo is a perfect tribute to the fun, irreverent brand of pop music that the Go-Go’s created, but it also conceals the trials and secret demons that the members of the group—and, in particular, its lead singer, Belinda Carlisle—struggled with on their rise to stardom.

Leaving her unstable childhood home at the age of eighteen, Belinda battled serious weight issues, having been teased for her pudginess throughout grade school, and grappled with her confusion about being deserted by her biological father as a child. This talented but misguided teen found solace in the punk rock world that so openly welcomed misfits—even though acceptance had its price.

Not long after forming, the Go-Go’s became queens of the L.A. punk scene—they sold out venues, attracted a fiercely loyal fan base, and outpartied almost every male band they toured with—and in the process kicked down the doors to the all-boys’ club of eighties rock and roll. With a chart-topping debut album, Belinda found herself launched to international superstardom—and with that fame came more access to A-list parties, and even more alcohol
and drugs to fuel Go-Go’s mania. Inevitably, Belinda began to self-destruct.

Lips Unsealed is filled with the wild stories that Belinda Carlisle fans are dying to hear—stories about the band’s crazy days on tour with acts like the Police and Madness and the fabulous parties and people to whom the Go-Go’s had exclusive access. But more than that, this candid memoir reveals the gritty flip side to the glitz, as Belinda shares her private struggles with abusive relationships, weight, and self-esteem, and a thirty-year battle with drug and alcohol addiction.

This spellbinding and shocking look at her rise, fall, and eventual rebirth as a wife, mother, and sober artist will leave you wistfully fantasizing about the eighties decadence she epitomized, but also cringing at the dark despair hidden behind her charming smile. One of the rare adventures through rock stardom told by a woman, Lips Unsealed is ultimately a love letter to music—to the members of the Go-Go’s, who’ve maintained lifelong friendships, and to the beloved husband and son who led Belinda to sobriety—and the story of a life that, though deeply flawed, was, and is still, fully lived.


Lips Unsealed is another drug-addict memoir. Why is it interesting? Because I can draw conclusions: a broken-home product, trashed, stranded in Hollywood hell-hole, join a band, get famous, binge on drugs or alcohol, get sober, then back to drugs, and the cycle continues. That’s what I got from many celebrity memoirs. Seems like Hollyood addicts have the same pattern.

Belinda Carlisle was one of them. Unhappy with her life, she ranaway to Hollywood. Crashed a party at Hollywood rock scenes, formed The Go-Go’s in the late 70s. Blinded by the glam and glitz of Hollywood, she partied everywhere: backstage, clubs, hotel room, just everywhere. Hit a line of coke, got high, and drunk on stage.
The Go-Go’s got famous, the members were filled with egos, and they’re disbanded.

Belinda became a solo artist. The album rocketed to US & UK charts. She continued doing drugs. Marriage and pregnancy didn’t stop her use of cocaine. She stopped using drugs when she was pregnant, but continued to binge after that.
Drug addicts tend to lie, hide and deny the addiction. Sooner or later, people around them will notice the problem. The obvious signs will show. That happened to Belinda. Million times she pledged to stop, until her husband couldn’t take it anymore.

Slowly bit sure, Belinda stayed away from drugs and alcohol, then finally she was totally sober. She found her solace on yoga and spiritual enlightenment in India.

Lips Unsealed is not as crazy as It’s So Easy (Duff McKagan) or The Heroin Diaries (Nikki Sixx) but I enjoyed reading this book.
It’s not perfectly written. Sometimes the athor jumped from one subject to another. I could feel Belinda’s anger and frustration.

Belinda is one oc my 80s heroes. I didn’t follow The Go-Go’s (I only recognize one song “We Got The Beat”). Literally, I grew up listening to her solo albums, like “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” and “Runaway Horses”. She’s unique and her red hair was significant. I was surprised to learn that she was struggling with drug addiction.

I’m happy to know that she can save her marriage.



[Book Review] Guns N’ Roses: The Band That Time Forgot


Title: Guns N’ Roses: The Band That Time Forgot: The Complete Unauthorised Biography
Author: Paul Stenning
Publisher: Chrome Dreams; Revised edition (September 28, 2005)
Language: English
Format: E-Book

Book Blurb

Both new and old incarnations of the explosive rock band Guns N’ Roses are discussed in this compelling biography. Featuring exclusive interviews with key players on their personal and musical histories and supplemental color photographs, this is a comprehensive look at where the band started, the reasons behind their infamous split in 1994, and what the original members are doing now. This fully revised edition contains information on the highly anticipated Summer 2005 release of Chinese Democracy, Axl’s first release in 10 years, as well as details of ex–lead guitarist Slash and ex–bass player Duff’s hot new band, Velvet Revolver.


Guns N’ Roses was named “The most dangerous band in the world”. They were Axl Rose, Slash, Duff, Izzy, and Steven, 5 bad boys from Hollywood. Axl and Izzy were high school buddies in Indiana, whereas Slash and Steven played bike and skateboard together.

They used to play small gigs in many clubs in LA: Troubadour, Whisky A Go-Go, Roxy, and the likes, they became crowds’ favorite.
Paul Stanley of Kiss was interested to produce their album, but the guys declined. Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue was offered to give some commercial touch, but he was so high on drugs, he was f*cked up, then turned it down, even though later GNR and Motley toured together.

The book was focused on Axl. I don’t mind, I’ve read Slash & Duff’s memoir.

During Appetite for Destruction & Live?! Like A Suicide, they guys were solid and stable. After huge success, some people said Axl started to behave like a superstar. He often came late to the concert, made the crowd angry and caused riots.

Axl had a complex personality. He was raised in a broken-home family, was sexually and physically abused. He’d been diagnosed manic depressive, then found solace through spiritual teachings. According to the book, Axl brought his own entourage during world tour, including spiritual teachers.

One by one, the original gunners left, either fired or quit. Tommy Lee once said that Axl had an LSD (Lead Singer Disease).

Axl’s antics caught people’s attentions, even more interesting than GNR’s music itself. The infamous “Chinese Democracy”, the full length album after Use Your Illusion, also brought people’s attention. Even Moby said the album would never happen. Perhaps, it has set a new record as the longest album in development as well as the most expensive, due to it taking so long to come out, giving Geffen a massive headache.

If you want to know more about Guns N’ Roses, you should read this book. Not as good as Duff’s “It’s So Easy (And Other Lies)” or Motley Crue’s “The Dirt”, but it’s an OK reading to learn about GNR’s brief history.